


Feelings

by squvsh



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-08 10:52:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17979950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squvsh/pseuds/squvsh
Summary: Parker missed being in Chicago, especially around her old co-workers and friends. She especially missed her old boss.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Parker is a trans female. The only people who know are her parents, her doctors and her bosses (including Hank since he was her boss before she moved).

DC wasn't like Chicago, not in the slightest. Parker missed her home, her family, her old colleagues. Sure, talking to her parents on the phone almost every day was nice and getting snapchats from her old friends about silly things or events was cool, but she wanted to be there in person to experience it all. A sigh passed her lips as she closed the file on her desk, sitting back in her chair. 

"What's on your mind?" John asked.

"Missing home. You ever feel that way?" Parker asked, looking across at her partner.

"Man... If I could go back to Brazil, I would, but my mom complains, says DC is the best thing to happen to me." John rolled his eyes. "So yes and no."

Parker laughed a little, shaking her head and pushing her chair back to stand. "I'm gonna stretch my legs, get some fresh air." 

John waved her off before going back to reading a magazine, scowling at something. Parker shook her head and grabbed her jacket, pulling it on before heading out of the office and down the stairs, pulling her phone out and reaching for the door to push it open before bumping into someone.

"Sorry, I should-" She froze, blinking up at the person. "Halstead?"

"Me in the flesh." Jay grinned. Parker smiled and hugged him. 

"Wow, what are you doing here?" 

"Vacation. How's DC treating you?"

"Oh you know." Parker shrugged, putting her phone in her pocket. They began walking down the street together. "How's everyone doing?"

"Good actually. Antonio misses you a lot, you know." Jay said. 

"He could call and tell me that himself."

"He could, but you know he won't." 

Parker and Antonio were good friends, like brother and sister even. She knew him well enough.

"How are you though?" She asked, glancing over at him before they walked across the street. 

"Good, good. Sucks not having you around to help prank Voight though." Jay laughed.

Voight. Parker nodded and stuffed her hands in her pockets, looking thoughtful. She missed her old boss a lot more than she missed anyone else on the squad. She always looked up to him and he taught her well.

"How is he doing?" she finally asked after a moment of silence. 

"He misses you. He doesn't say it, but he's still got your graduation picture on his desk and I think I caught him staring at it once. You were the best shot there anyways."

"I miss being there. DC is so different." She tucked some hair behind her ear as they stopped to sit on a bench. "I want to come back, but I dunno."

"What's stopping you?" Jay asked. 

"Myself. You know how I get when I start something, but...."

Jay put a hand on her shoulder. He understood. 

"I'm sure there's an open spot for you if you do decide to come back home. We're only a plane ride away." He told her.

"Yeah. Maybe."

\-----

A week had gone by since Jay visited and Parker had decided to go back home, giving her two weeks notice to her superior and letting Antonio and Jay know.

"Don't tell Hank or anyone else. I want this to be a surprise." She said as she packed up a box of her things. 

"Don't worry, Park. You can stay with me if you want." Antonio said, smiling. Parker looked at her phone and rolled her eyes.

"You better keep it a secret, Dawson or so help me..."

He raised both his hands in surrender and she laughed. "I'll have my stuff sent to you so just put it in the guest room for me, okay?"

"Can do. Oops, gotta go. See ya."

Parker shook her head as the face time call disconnected and she sighed, a smile on her face as she looked at her living room. The studio apartment was nice and all, but she was more happy to be able to go back home and have more privacy. 

Once she finished taking the boxes to the post office to ship them off, she send Antonio the tracking numbers and then went back to the apartment to talk to her landlord and relax. 

When time came for her to go to the airport, she took a snapchat video of the scenery on the ride there in her uber, adding the caption 'on my way' and putting it on her snap story before relaxing back and smiling. She was excited to get back home.

\----

Hank sighed as he sat at his desk, his phone alerting him of a new snapchat story and he smiled, knowing it was Parker. She was the one who got him to even download the app and actually use it, but he did use it to talk to his squad sometimes. 

"What's she talking about?" He asked Antonio. "Where are you going?"

"She's probably just going to work, sarge and I'm gonna go get some coffee." Antonio said as he shrugged on his leather jacket. Hank didn't believe him for a moment, but he didn't question it, watching him go. He let it go though, going to sit down at his desk again and looking over the file of a recent case they had. 

\----

Antonio laughed as Parker ran and hugged him, setting down her suitcase. "Hello to you too." he said, setting her down.

"It feels so good to be home again. Oh my gosh, you're wearing the earrings I got you." she said, turning his head in her hands. 

"Yeah. I figured I should since you're back now." 

She rolled her eyes and picked up her suitcase, following him out to his car, letting him put the suitcase in the trunk and going to the drivers side. 

"Hey, no." Antonio pouted, but Parker didn't move. He groaned and handed her the keys before getting in the passenger seat. "Precinct first. Voight is probably about to call me."

As he said that, his phone started ringing and he laughed, answering it and putting a finger over his lips as Parker started to drive off. 

"Where are you, Dawson? You said coffee, not-"

"I'm on my way back. Had to get some gas too." Antonio said. Hank grumbled under his breath and hung up. "Don't wreck my baby." he said to Parker.

"Oh hush. I'm a better driver than you are." she said, sticking her tongue out at him as she drove.

\----

The drive didn't take more than 15 minutes and Parker was happy to park at the precinct, eager to hurry upstairs and see everyone. She got out of the car and tossed the car keys to Antonio, letting him lead the way inside. 

"Well well well, look who they let back in the city." Trudy said from behind the desk. 

"Surprise." Parker grinned, going to hug her before Trudy buzzed the two of them up. 

Antonio went up first and Parker followed a few feet away, waiting until she heard Hank.

"Took you long enough." Hank said.

"I ran into someone." Antonio said, looking at Jay who smiled. Parker walked in, looking around. 

"Wow, you let Halstead take my desk? I wasn't gone that long." she joked. Hank's expression softened at the sight of her, smiling as she walked over and hugged him. 

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back to town? I woulda made him sit somewhere else." he asked. 

"I wanted to surprise everyone."

"Well, this is definitely a surprise. I'm glad you're back." Hank smiled. Parker smiled as well. She had butterflies in her belly from the closeness between the two of them and the way Hank was smiling at her. She didn't think anything of it, following him to his office so she could get caught up and figure out where she would be now that she was back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank is a teddy bear.

It felt good to be back in Chicago. It had been a week since she had been back and staying with Antonio and his family and everything seemed perfect. She had her job back with the squad, able to spend time with her favorite people. 

"Wow, Christopher, that's such a pretty picture." Parker said, smiling as she watched Antonio's 2 year old color. 

"For daddy." the boy said, smiling. 

"I'm sure he'll love it. Maybe he can put it on his desk when it's finished so everyone can see it." 

Christopher nodded and continued coloring. Parker yawned and took a sip of her tea, watching Antonio walk into the kitchen carrying his 1 year old. 

"The sitter should be here soon, buddy." he told Christopher who pouted. "Ah ah, you know I gotta go to work and papa is gonna be home later, yeah?" 

"Okay..." Christopher sighed. 

"They don't have a daycare at the hospital?" Parker asked. 

"Nah. It's under construction. Rylee wouldn't want them there anyways, especially since little Leo here is very fussy recently." Antonio kissed the boys cheek, putting him in his high chair and going to get him some cheerios. 

"Poor baby." Parker smiled. "He'll be okay though."

Antonio nodded and placed the little bowl down on the tray, chuckling as Leo put his hand into it and moved the dry cereal around for a second before pulling his pacifier out and beginning to eat. 

"Chris, you want some juice?" he asked. 

"Yes please." 

\----

After the sitter got there, Antonio and Parker left for work, stopping to pick up coffee for the squad. Parker sighed as she looked out the window on the way there, seeming down.

"What's up, Park?" Antonio asked as he stopped at a light.

"Just seeing you with the boys this morning. I wish I had kids." she said. 

"It's not easy, especially with the hours Ry and I work, but I won't say it's not fun. In time, you'll meet the right person, settle down, have a few toddlers running around screaming and crying about whatever ails them, and you'll love it to death." Antonio said, earning a laugh from Parker. 

"Well, what if I have met someone but I dunno if they feel the same about me? I mean... I do kind of know, but... He's..."

"Difficult?"

Parker shrugged. "Different. He's got attitude but he's caring. He's tough but has a sweet side to him." 

"Do I know him? If I do, I'll talk to him, knock some sense into his brain about how awesome you are and tell him to make a move." 

"Do not meddle in my love life, Dawson or Rylee will be looking for a new fiance." 

Antonio laughed as he drove, waving one hand dismissively. 

\----

"Garcia, you're with me. Dawson and Halstead, take the back." Hank said after everyone got their vests on. "Don't deviate from the plan. Everyone goes home tonight." 

Parker followed behind Hank, keeping watch as they entered the apartment building and took the stairs up to the third floor as quietly as they could. She was used to this, but it still made her nervous. There was always risk associated with whatever they did, especially with the people they dealt with, even if it wasn't every day they had to chase someone. 

"Stay close." Hank whispered to her as they approached the door. Parker checked behind them and waited for the signal to knock until a gunshot was heard from outside. "Stay put, if anyone comes out that door, you stop them." Hank said before rushing back downstairs and outside. 

"Of course I have to stay put.." she murmured to herself, rolling her eyes and keeping watch on the door. She heard the locks click before it opened, a young man coming out. "Hey, what's your name?" 

"Shit." the guy cursed, trying to rush past but she knocked him to the ground. 

"Don't move." She had her gun trained on him while she moved to cuff him, hoisting him to his feet and walking him down and out to the waiting cop cars. Hank, Antonio and Jay came from around the building with two guys. "Took you guys long enough."

"Yeah well, you had the easy job." Antonio teased. 

"Good work. Garcia and I will check the apartment they came out of. You two can head back and throw those three in the cage." Hank said, not waiting for anyone to say anything while he headed inside. Parker shared a look with Jay and Antonio before jogging after him. 

"Don't you normally have them check for everything?" she asked as they got upstairs and inside.

"Normally." 

She rolled her eyes as she looked in the kitchen. "Jesus, these guys were serious." she said, seeing baggies of drugs on the table and several scales and some money. "Good thing we caught them when we did."

"I wanted to talk to you without everyone else around." Hank said. 

"We could have talked in the car or in your office, not while we're looking for drugs and guns."

"Parker..." he sighed. "Remember before you left for DC?"

Parker sighed, she did remember. She didn't think it would be brought up again since they hadn't talked about it again after she left. "Look, I don't know what you want me to say about any of that. We never discussed it further than me simply saying I'd think about it." 

"I meant what I said." 

"Yeah? What about your rule? I'm not gonna break that and I'm not gonna get moved around just for that to happen." She crossed her arms. 

"I get it, I do, but just think about it. I'll put in a good word for you if you do decide to want it to work." 

4 years ago...

_"Hey can we talk?" Hank asked. Parker nodded, finishing off her beer before heading outside of the bar with him and leaning against the wall._

_"What's up?" she asked, tucking some hair behind her ear._

_"It's gonna suck not having you around, not just because you're one of my best. I'm not usually one to be so...open, but I'm gonna miss you. I love you."_

_"You love all of us though. We're family, that's how it's supposed to be." She smiled. He shook his head. "Oh, you mean...wow, I..."_

_"You don't have to say anything or do anything. I just wanted to tell you before you left. Just think about it."_

_She nodded and hugged him. "I will."_

\----

Getting home, Parker was glad to hear the boys playing and Rylee playing with them. Antonio pat her shoulder before heading to play with his family. She sighed and went to her room, closing the door and sitting on the bed. She thought about what Hank had said and knew he meant it. Part of her wanted to tell him yes, but she was just getting back to everything. She didn't want to leave again, even if it would still be in Chicago. She groaned and laid back, her hands on her face. She felt conflicted. 

"Hey, Park? Rylee's cooking. You want me to put your plate aside?" Antonio asked through the door. 

"I'll be down in a minute." she called back, waiting until she heard his footsteps heading away to sit up and toe off her shoes. She unbuttoned her shirt, getting up and going over to the closet to grab a sweater, changing her top and then her pants. She groaned as her phone began to ring, remembering she had set a different tone for Hank as she went to answer it. "I told you I'd-"

"Can you come outside to talk? Please?" 

"Outside? Hank..." she sighed. "Okay." She hung up, putting on her shoes and tying up her hair before she went downstairs. "Be right back!" she called before going outside, keeping the door unlocked. Hank was leaning against his car, pocketing his phone as he saw her come outside. 

"I know we could have just talked on the phone, but that seems less personal." he said.

"We could have talked-"

"At the office, I know. Just..."

She sighed and hugged him, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his chest. "You're such a softie..." 

He chuckled and held her. "Is that a yes?"

"What about your rule? I don't wanna leave intel over this..." she said, stepping back and looking at him. 

"I'm good at keeping secrets if you are. For a little while anyways." He shrugged. 

"Hank Voight keeping secrets to break his own rules? I never imagined this day would come." she teased, giggling. "But alright."

"Can I come in?" 

"I guess so." 

They went inside the house. Antonio was surprised to see Hank there, but he was welcome.

"The boys are getting big." Hank said, picking up Leo who hugged him as best he could.

"Lookin' more and more like Ry every day." Antonio chuckled. "Well, Leo is. Chris is gonna look like me." 

"Hopefully he's not gonna be a trouble maker like you." Hank chuckled. 

"Oh he already is. Sneaking cookies before dinner." Rylee said. Christopher pouted and everyone else laughed as they sat down to eat. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why do bad things happen to good people?
> 
> Tw for blood, violence, guns (ofc), sexual assault (rape), self harm, suicide attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not read this chapter if you can't handle any of the trigger warnings in the summary. I cannot stress this enough.
> 
> I'm not knowledgeable in many things, I tried my best.

It had been a good few months since Parker came back to Chicago and an even better month now that she and Hank were officially together. They were doing amazing at keeping their relationship a secret, Hank sending Parker on runs with Antonio or Jay even, but sometimes he'd have her tag along with him because he missed that. They were careful when they were alone, knowing that the rest of the squad could pop up, especially when they were hunting a perp on scene, but they'd sneak quick kisses when they got the chance. Hank didn't let their relationship cloud his judgement and wouldn't play favorites when it came to fuck-ups, scolding her when she messed up but when they were in private and away from everyone else, he'd remind her it was for her own good because he cared. She understood and wouldn't stay upset with him, smiling and nodding. 

Antonio was curious as to why Hank would come by or drop Parker back off in the middle of the night or close to late and the two of them would spend a lot of time alone together. He didn't mind, but he slowly pieced it together. 

"Hey, Park. Can we chat?" he asked one day at the pricinct. She looked up at him and nodded, standing and heading into the hall with him. 

"What's up?" 

"You and sarge....is it..." he trailed off, gesturing with his hand. 

"Dawson..."

"It is! You are! Holy fuck!"

She covered his mouth with her hand. "Shut it! We're not supposed to say anything to anyone." she said in a hushed tone. He nodded and she pulled her hand back. 

"I won't say anything, not even to Rylee." he promised, raising his right hand. She sighed and smiled a little. "He's got like...20 years on you though." 

"Oh hush. He's sweet and that's what matters." She shrugged. He laughed and walked back inside. Parker shook her head and pulled out her phone as it rang. "Hello?"

"Hello Miss Garcia."

Parker frowned, leaning against the wall. "Who is this?" 

"You don't have to worry about formalities. I do have an offer for you though." 

"An offer? What games are you playing? I don't have time-"

"You'll make time, especially if you value your precious Morty." 

She looked into the squad room, seeing Hank coming out of his office and looking around for her. She quickly turned and walked down the stairs and out of the gate then outside. "You leave my cat out of this. What do you want?" 

"Couldn't talk in front of your squad? Cute, but you shouldn't ever be alone." the man said before the line clicked to hang up. Parker huffed and looked at the phone, seeing that it was a private number. She murmured under her breath, closing her eyes for a moment before she felt someone grab her from behind, covering her mouth before she could scream out and pulling her into the back of a car before it drove off, her hands being bound and her eyes being covered. 

Inside the squad room, Hank frowned and went to look out the window, not seeing Parker at all. "Dawson."

"Yeah, sarge?" 

"Where'd Parker run off to?" 

"I actually don't know. She was just out in the hall." Antonio shrugged, dialing her number, only for it to go to voicemail after two rings. "Her phone's off." 

Hank didn't like that at all, knowing Parker always had her phone on at all times. He sighed and went to sit at his desk, sending her a text. 

[To: Parker] text me back when you see this. 

\----

"Wakey wakey, Miss Garcia." 

Parker blinked, but it was dark. She could barely see a few inches in front of her. Her hands were bound behind her, so she felt that she was up against a wall. She sighed and turned her head to look around, seeing the glow from under the door off to the side. 

"You can't see me, but I can see you. That will change in a minute though, so be patient with me." the man said. 

"What do you want from me? Let me go." 

"Not now. Not yet. Also, your cat is safe, don't worry about him." 

"I said leave him out of this! What do you want with me?"

"Well, it's not you directly, but you were available, so that's why I've...collected you. You're very beautiful." 

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, leaning back against the wall more. She hated how she was sitting, her legs straight out in front of her, ankles bound together. Her back was starting to hurt. She heard movement and squeezed her eyes shut as the light went on, too bright at first. 

"Sorry about that. I do keep my promises though." the man said, pulling up a chair and sitting down. Parker opened her eyes and blinked, looking in front of her at him. She was confused. 

"I don't know you."

"Ah, yes. I know. But I know you. You're one of Hank Voight's best and I read that your dad is very successful. I've met him in passing." 

"So this has to do with my sergeant then?" she asked. He nodded. "You couldn't have called him and told him what you wanted?"

"Oh no, that would be too easy. Plus, I don't want a bullet to the face, sweetheart. Mr. Voight is very...volatile." he chuckled, folding his hands in his lap. "I'm sure he's been calling and texting you though, but your phone is turned off for now, so we'll check on that later, yeah?"

"Look, let me go or I'll kick your ass." 

"How? You're a little tied up and in no position to be making such demands. Besides, I haven't had my fun yet, so if you'll give me a little while to prepare myself." He stood and moved the chair against the wall before going to the door, knocking twice. It opened and he grabbed a bag and let the door close before going to squat in front of her. "Now then." 

She watched him, trying not to outwardly panic, but her pulse was racing as he pulled out a medical bag and her phone, turning it on and humming a tune as he pulled out a box of condoms and some lube. 

"Not to say you're dirty, I just don't want to leave any evidence." he said, smiling sweetly as if he actually cared. "Come now, don't look so afraid. I'll be gentle, I promise." 

"I don't...please don't..." 

He gave a thoughtful look and set the lube down, picking up the medical bag and pulling out a scalpel. "You ever cut yourself?"

"What? N-no I-"

"Oh I see. Well, this might hurt then so just bear with me, okay?" He went and started undoing her pants, holding the scalpel between his teeth as he got them down. She shivered and whimpered, wanting nothing more than to kick him in the face. "You've got such pretty legs. You run?"

"Let me go." She tried to sound tough, but her voice was quiet. He looked almost apologetic, grabbing her phone as it vibrated repeatedly. 

"Ah, let's see. Hank texted you and called, so did someone named Antonio? Ah, I remember him." he said, going to unlock the phone but he noticed a pin was needed. "What's your passcode, dear? If you don't tell me, I'll be forced to slice into you and I really don't want to just up and kill you right now." 

"9-2-0-8" she said softly. He keyed it in and went to the call log. 

"I'll let you talk to him while I cut you up and have a little bit of fun, but they won't be able to track you, so please, make it entertaining for me." he said, smiling as he pressed call on Hank's number. 

"Parker? Where are you? Why'd you leave?" he asked as he answered the phone. 

"Hank, I'm okay. I'm... I'll be back, I promise." she said, watching the man. 

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. I just needed to take a walk." 

"You need to come back here, now. You don't just walk off like that."

"I'll be back when I-" she gasped as the blade cut into her thigh. 

"What's wrong?! Where the hell are you?"

The guy mouthed the words "I'm sorry" before making another cut underneath. 

"I need....need help, please..." she whimpered, tears starting to roll down her cheeks as the man continue to cut. 

"Sorry, we don't have much time left, Voight. Bye." the man said, hanging up before Hank could get another word in and putting the phone on do not disturb, setting it aside before he went back to cutting her. 

\----

"Who was that guy?" Antonio asked. 

Hank didn't bother answering him, pissed off and upset as he went to his office and looked through old case files. 

"Sarge." 

"What?!"

"Who was that? What did he mean by that?" Antonio asked. He was used to the attitude, especially when it came to something so serious and somebody who was close to Hank. 

"Someone who thinks I ruined his life." he said. 

"Does he know about...."

"No. Nobody does."

"That's good then, but what does he know?"

\----

"You look so beautiful, you shouldn't cry so much." The man put the blade aside, picking up a cloth and wiping Parker's face. "The scars will be so beautiful."

"Please..." 

"Oh no, not yet. Just be patient with me. I'll have my fun and then if you're good, I'll let you go, okay? If not, I'll have to teach you a lesson." 

She whimpered, shivering as he leaned down to lick up her blood. "St-stop...please..."

"Not yet, Parker." he chuckled, going to undo his pants and push them down off his hips, humming as he grabbed a condom from the box and pushed down his boxers. "Are you flexible?"

She didn't reply, her eyes closed and her breathing shallow. He gently pat her cheek and her eyes fluttered open. 

"Stay awake for me, yeah?" He smiled and rolled the condom on before going to get her underwear off. "After, I'll go ahead and let your arms free. I'm sure you're uncomfortable." he said, pressing her legs up to her chest, putting them on his shoulder, moving so he was easily able to push into her. 

She gasped and whimpered, trying to press him away from her. "St-stop! Please!" 

"No, no. It's okay. Just relax." He held her legs firmly in place as he raped her, despite her pleas and cries.

He continued for 10 minutes, only stopping when he got tired of the position. He pulled out and pulled the condom off, tying off the end and putting it into the bag before he stood and groaned, rubbing his knees. 

"I needed that. Now, as promised." he said, going to release her arms, only to tie them in front of her and put her on her front on the ground on her knees. "I'm not done yet. We should call them back or at least record this. I have a feeling I'll be in jail for assaulting a cop once we're done. Might as well make memories." 

He chuckled as he grabbed the phone, going to the camera and putting on another condom before he began recording. 

\----

"I'm glad she downloaded that app, otherwise this would be very difficult." Jay said as he pulled up the app on the computer, able to locate all of their phones. 

"I'm glad we all did." Antonio said. Hank didn't say a word, watching the screen. "There." He pointed to her phone icon.

"Everyone needs to wear a vest. I say it all the time, but we all go home today. Is that clear?" Hank said. "Halstead, you're with me. Dawson, Lindsay, you two are together. Do not leave your partner's sight at any time. No casualties." 

\----

The man ended the recording, humming as he sent it to Antonio and Hank before locking the phone and getting up, cleaning himself up before fixing his pants and closing the bag. He smiled and undid Parker's bindings, pulling her pants back up and sitting her upright, chuckling as she whimpered. 

"I should keep you, but I'm already looking at maybe 10 years? Unless Hank still has that temper." he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you for a good time, Parker." 

\----

It wasn't long before the building was surrounded and the squad went inside and up to where Parker was, greeted by some dead men outside of the door and the sound of soft music playing inside. Hank nodded and pushed the door open, seeing a man standing by the window and Parker laying down. 

"Hands where I can see 'em! Now!" Antonio called, his gun trained on the man. 

"You all took your time." he chuckled, raising his hands and cooperating when Antonio went to cuff him. Hank went to check on Parker, checking her pulse. "She'll be fine with therapy and all."

"You son of a bitch." Hank went to stand, but Parker grabbed his arm. He huffed. "Get him outta my sight."

Antonio and Erin walked him out of the building while Jay called for an ambulance. 

"You're gonna be okay." Hank said softly, easily able to keep the hurt out of his voice.

\----

At the hospital, Hank paced the floor while he waited for the nurse and doctor to do a full exam on Parker. Antonio walked in and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"She's gonna be okay." he said. 

"Yeah." 

The door opened and the nurse and doctor walked out, the nurse going to check on another patient. The doctor led Antonio and Hank aside away from everyone else. 

"What's the damage?" Hank asked. 

"She's got cuts on her thighs, they look self inflicted but fresh, but there was saliva there so we're going to run that. We also had to do a kit-"

"What?!" 

"Whoever assaulted her left no evidence there, but the saliva should help us out. We'll keep her overnight to make sure she didn't sustain any other injuries and to process the bloodwork and everything." 

"Thank you doctor. Can we go in and see her?" Antonio asked. The doctor nodded and the two of them walked inside, closing the door behind them. 

Parker was under the blankets, laying on her side facing the window. Hank went to the side of the bed pulling the chair up close and sitting down. She pulled her hand from under the blanket, letting Hank hold it. 

"It's not your fault..." she murmured. 

"How? He did this because of me." 

"I should have stayed inside. I'm so stupid..." 

"No, not at all. It's okay." He kissed her hand gently. 

"He's not getting off that easy, Park." Antonio said. 

She just nodded, closing her eyes. Hank brushed some hair from her face, pulling his hand back when she flinched. He frowned, hating that some random man could put so much fear into her like this in such a short span of time. 

"He won't hurt you again, okay? I'm gonna go handle this." he said, letting go of her hand. 

She didn't say anything, curling into herself as best she could. Antonio went to sit down in the chair while Hank left to head back to the pricinct. Once the door was shut again, Parker began to cry. Antonio moved closer, holding her hand. 

\----

Parker got released from the hospital the following day. When she got to the house, Antonio watched her go straight up to her room and close the door quietly. He sighed, going to lock up and go to the kitchen where Rylee was washing dishes. 

"How is she holding up?" Rylee asked as Antonio came up behind him and kissed his cheek.

"She won't talk. She would barely eat or drink anything at the hospital once they said it was okay to." he said softly, resting his head on his shoulder. 

"Give her time, okay? That's all she needs." 

"Yeah. I'll check on her later. The boys asleep?" 

"Sound asleep. They wanted to watch that lego movie and only got through the first hour." Rylee giggled, turning off the water and drying his hands before turning to face Antonio. "I could use some help getting to sleep though." 

"Oh yeah? I think I have an idea of how to help with that." Antonio smirked, picking him up and turning the kitchen lights out before heading upstairs to their bedroom. 

\----

Later that night, Antonio got up, kissing Rylee's cheek and went to the bathroom before he went to check on the boys, smiling as they were both sleeping soundly before he went to check on Parker, lightly knocking on the door. 

"Hey Park I-" He froze in the doorway, seeing her laying on the floor. He went over to her, turning her over and seeing the blade in her hand and the blood on the carpet where her wrists were. "Shit, Parker, open your eyes." He grabbed the towel on the bed, ripping it and tying it around both her wrists before pulling his phone out and calling an ambulance. 

Rylee woke after a little bit, going to check the boys room before Parker's room. 

"What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know, she tried to kill herself." Antonio said, keeping pressure on her wrists. "The ambulance is on the way, just make sure the boys don't come in here."

"Okay." 

\----

After the ambulance came, Antonio followed after, calling Hank on the way there. 

"What?" he answered. 

"Parker's going back to the hospital." 

"I'm on my way." 

Antonio sighed as he hung up, cursing. He felt partially resposible for what happened, even though he didn't see it coming. 

At the hospital, Hank was already there and Antonio went over to him. 

"What the hell happened?" Hank asked. He looked like he had been crying. 

"I don't know. She...she tried to kill herself." he said. Hank wanted to hit something, his hands balled into fists. "I should have been there to stop her I...fuck..."

Hank didn't say anything going to sit down. Antonio paced while they waited for the doctor to come out, hopeful that it wasn't too bad. 

"She'll be okay. She didn't cut too deep, but we do have to admit her for observation." he said. 

"How long?" Hank asked. 

"We're not sure exactly, maybe a day, maybe two? It depends on how she does while she's here. You won't be able to visit her yet, you'll have to come back during the day." he said. 

Antonio nodded and glanced at Hank who looked distraught. "Thank you." 

\----

3 days later, Parker was released. Hank picked her up from the hospital, glad that she was out. He helped her into the car and went to the drivers side. 

"We have to pick up my medicine..." she said, not looking at him. 

"Alright, we can do that." he said, starting the car. He looked at her, watching her curl up on the seat. "You wanna go for a ride? We don't have to take you home yet." 

"Okay..." 

His heart ached as he drove, glancing at her as he drove. When they pulled up to the pharmacy, he parked and took the keys out. "Wanna go in with me?" 

"You scared I'm gonna hurt myself while you're inside?" 

His heart almost broke. "No, I was just asking."

She shook her head, pulling her hood on. He got out and went inside, taking the prescription in with him. He came back after a few minutes with the medicine, passing it to her. 

"Thanks..." 

"You wanna go to my place? I just put the new TV in." he offered, starting the car up again and pulling out of the lot. 

"Okay." 

He knew he couldn't force her to say more than just a few words at a time, but his heart hurt. He hated seeing her like this, still blaming himself over everything. He hated himself. 

They got to the house and she got out, following him inside and going to sit on the couch, reading the pamphlet on the medication she had been prescribed while Hank went and turned on the TV, toeing his shoes off and sitting beside her. 

"What did they give you?" he asked as he turned to the movie channel.

"It's for depression." she said, putting it aside and moving to curl up against him. He put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head, glad she didn't flinch away from him. 

"I'm glad you're okay." he said softly. She nodded and closed her eyes. 

"I'm glad I'm okay too." she said. 

She stayed the night there, Hank carrying her to his room and laying her on the bed while he stepped out on the deck to clear his head. He broke down, crying and letting out the emotions he had felt. He didn't hear her walk up behind him, but he relaxed into her touch as she hugged him from behind wiping his face and putting a hand on her arm. 

"I'm okay." she said, pressing her face into his back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was sad enough! Lol, but anyways, I couldn't come up with a name for the man but I hope it's okay. I can't promise not more sad chapters in the future, but this one will be the saddest (For Parkrer anyways).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parker's getting better, but something always wants to pull her back into a hole. 
> 
> Trigger warning for: mentions of self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not read if you can't handle any of the trigger warnings above please and thank you!

It had been a week since Parker came back home from the hospital and she felt better when she was awake and not reliving the tragic events from the week prior. She hated having to go to therapy to cope, hated having to say, out loud, what happened to her, wanting to forget everything. It wasn't easy.

"You're doing amazing, Parker. I know it's not easy to talk about the trauma, but-"

"I don't want to keep reliving it in my dreams when I'm supposed to be resting. Sometimes, I don't even want to sleep. Even just laying in bed, I feel like I have to keep my eyes open at all times just in case he comes into my room... But I know he's locked up in a cell or worse and I know that its good that I'm still here..." she interrupted. "Part of me is scared that Hank is gonna leave me because I'm so much more closed off. I flinch when he touches my face and he just..."

"Has he said he wanted to leave?"

Parker shook her head. "I just feel that way."

"That's understandable, but sometimes, our gut is wrong. In your heart, you know that he loves you. He looks sad when you flinch away because of the pain he wishes he could have prevented. He wanted to be there to stop it from happening, but he couldn't. We can't save everyone, but it's always nice to know that someone wanted to save you."

\----

After her session, Parker sighed. She felt better knowing that her fears were understood, that they weren't childish or stupid. She got in the car and smiled a little, pulling her phone out and texting Hank.

[To: Hank] I'm done with therapy for the day.

[From: Hank] Alright. Come to the precinct. Miss you.

She smiled and put her phone down before buckling up and beginning to drive to the precinct. Hank had given her time off so that she could get back in the swing of things, but she missed working. She was glad he didn't try to bar her from coming to check on things though.

When she got there and upstairs, Hank was in his office, but the door was closed. 

"Internal Affairs..." Antonio told her. 

"What? Why?" Parker frowned, watching as someone talked to Hank, seeing that he was frowning. 

"I dunno. Whatever it is warranted a visit here instead of him being able to just call." Antonio shrugged, sitting back down. "How was therapy?"

"Good I guess. She helped me realize that I'm not a big baby for being worried about stuff." she said, sitting in the chair in front of his desk. "Talking about it still isn't easier but-"

She stopped talking when she heard the door open and looked, everyone going quiet. 

"Garcia." Hank called. Parker sighed, getting up and going into the office, letting Hank close the door behind her before he went to sit back down. 

"Miss Garcia, Sergant Voight. As you know, your relationships with others in your department or others within the force have to be disclosed. Why am I only just now hearing about this and it's been weeks?" the detective said. Parker didn't say anything crossing her arms across her chest and looking at Hank. "No answer? Well, I can only advise that next time neither of you withholds this information. I trust that this hasn't gotten in the way of your work."

"It hasn't and it won't." Parker said before Hank could open his mouth. 

"Good. It is a little...troubling though. I'm sure you'll understand why I've requested for a transfer to another department, Miss Garcia. I have other things to handle today, so I won't keep you two any longer. Have a good day." he said before leaving. Parker frowned, closing the door. 

"Transfer?" she asked, looking at Hank.

"I don't want you to but-"

"I told you I wasn't going to transfer, no matter what. You want me to start over, especially after... I can't believe you..."

"It'll be with Homicide." Hank slid the papers across his desk. 

"Homicide!? Are you... Are you fucking crazy?!"

Hank got up and circled around his desk to her, pulling her close. "It's not my choice, Parker. If it was, I would have told that guy to shove it where the sun don't shine. It's so that neither of us has to lose our job. I can write a good reccomendation letter so you get into a good spot with them, okay? They're good people over there." 

"Hank... I can't... I don't wanna just...just leave..." 

He tilted her chin up, but she averted her gaze. "Look at me. Hey, c'mon." 

She pouted but met his gaze, turning her head to kiss his palm as he caressed her cheek. 

"You're lucky I don't want to have to quit..." she murmured. He kissed her forehead. "How long do I have?"

"A week. I'll have the letter done tonight and once you sign off on everything, I'll send it off and give them a heads up."

"It'll be so weird not coming in here every day." she said, sighing and burying her face in his chest. "We'll make due." 

"We'll make it work. I promise."

\----

Parker went home, greeted by the sitter and the boys. She went and got herself some water from the kitchen once the sitter left after the boys were put down for a nap and she sighed, leaning against the counter as she thought about the conversation she had with Hank earlier.

_"You want me to move in with you?" she asked. Hank nodded._

_"Yeah, I do. I wanna be able to keep an eye on you, make sure that nothing bad can ever happen to you."_

_"I dunno, Hank. I like where I'm at now. Leo and Christopher like having me around."_

_"You can still visit them. I'm not gonna keep you from them or Antonio or Rylee. I just think it would be nice to be able to hold you while you sleep every night and make sure that everything's gonna be okay."_

_"Let me think about it, okay? I promise I will, I just need time."_

She couldn't help but smile, knowing how amazing it would be to live with Hank and see him every morning and night, before and after the two of them went off to work. Part of her was worried things were moving too quickly, plus she wasn't ready to tell Hank she had been hurting herself again since that last night she ended up in the hospital. Sure, the cuts weren't as deep as those, but they were enough that she couldn't wear short sleeves. She knew he would find out one way or another, and she just wasn't ready for that. 

She sighed and put her glass in the sink before going to check on the boys, seeing them still napping. 

[From: Antonio] Be home in 5.

[To: Antonio] Okay. the boys are napping

[From: Antonio] Good. 

Parker went up to her room and sighed, getting her shoes off and going to braid her hair back before she laid down on the bed, laying her phone on her chest as she closed her eyes. 

She didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she woke with a start, her phone ringing. She groaned and rolled onto her side, answering it.

"Hello?" 

"Did I wake you?" 

She smiled a little. "Mmhm... It's okay though."

"You sound cute when you're sleepy." 

"Shush, Hank..." 

He chuckled. "Hey so you wanna come by? Stay the night?" 

"Are you gonna come pick me up?" 

"What if I told you I'm already on my way?" 

She blinked and sat up, stretching out her legs. "Give me 10 to get awake and downstairs." she said, yawning. 

"Alright. See you soon." 

They hung up and she smiled, getting up and going to pack a change of clothes. She remembered she had left a spare toothbrush at his house and a hair brush and just packed a change of clothes and sighed, getting her shoes on before going downstairs. 

"Hank coming to get you?" Rylee asked. 

"Yeah. Movie night or wine or something." Parker replied. Rylee smiled. 

"Good. Take your mind off everything for a while." he said. "Oh, here. Your medicine."

"Oh jeez, thank you." Parker took it and put it in her bag before going outside, Hank already pulling up. She grinned and went to get in on the passenger side, closing the door and leaning over to kiss his cheek. 

"We gotta pick up the pizza first and then we can get in the house and watch something." Hank said, smiling as he drove off. 

"Extra cheese?" she asked. He nodded. "You're the best!" 

\----

Getting to the house, Parker went and put her bag in Hank's room before going to the living room and turning on the TV, humming as she went to Netflix and got comfy on the couch. 

"No horror movies." Hank said as he got their pizza plated and poured some soda, carrying everything into the living room and setting it on the coffee table before pulling her close and kissing her cheek. 

"Anime it is!" she said, laughing. 

"I swear I have no idea about any of that even though you watch it every time you're here." he said, rubbing her side. She shrugged and put the remote down once the show started, grabbing her plate and taking a bite of her slice. 

They watched a few episodes before they got distracted with each other, kissing. She laid back on the couch, pulling Hank on top of her and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He pulled away and kissed her neck before turning to kiss her wrists like he usually did, but he stopped and looked. 

"These look new." he said softly. 

"I... I was gonna tell you I just-"

"Hey, it's okay. How new are these?" he asked, sitting down and pulling her onto his lap. 

"4 days..."

He nodded and kissed her hands and then her wrists. "Promise me you'll try to stop." 

"I promise. I'm sorry." 

He held her close, kissing the top of her head. He couldn't be upset with her, knowing how hard things have been for her recently, even if she didn't have to go through it again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seemed short. I'll update soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this was my first Chicago PD fic. I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
